The short sentences make the pace very fast and i like the repetitive style in the first few lines and the way you've used sort-of opposites at the end of each line. a nice touch!

this is very a simple and straightforward poem and it expresses itself very clearly.
you might want to make it a bit more ambiguous to improve it, but that takes a lot of practice and i see this is only your third poem, so just keep writing and im sure u will improve as you go!

kim xx