I leave empty handed

Woked up in a really bad mood, im still upset about last night i wish things had worked out better, it tears me up inside to hear the people i care about cry, especially if i know that part of the reason they are crying is because of me, she means so much to me and i hope one day she realizes how much she really did, that everything i have told her has been the truth and that for once in my life she has been the only person that i really DO want to be with, she doesnt see or doesnt want to see that we can make it, and that i know i can make her happy, just like she does to me...i dont want to give up this feelings that are so strong, i dont want to look back in 2, 3 months and regret the fact that i gave up on something that i know can work out. karma is ----- me over this time, and as bad as it might be i actually like it, because im learning that lesson they once told me i would. i dont know what other way to express my feelings but to just drop them in the table and let her decide what she wants to do with them, if to throw them back at me or keep them and forever cherish them with hers. maybe im being too pushy, maybe im just being me...*sigh* i dont know. as foward as it might sound, she is the only girl that makes me smile so much that it even scares me, she is one of the only people that i cant wait to talk to on the phone, that when i hear her voice i smile at the thought of seeing her again...i wish she hadnt conquered my heart so easily, i really like her but i know she will never want more than just to be my friend. i would never hurt her, ever...i wish that she didnt think that, i wish she didnt based myself to what the other people have done to her, im so jealous of that guy that has her heart, because he doesnt have an idea of what he has in front of him....i guess there is a reason why this is happening, i wish i could say that its just not meant to be...BUT MY HEART TELLS ME OTHER WISE...and that is what still keeps me here, waiting...slowly... for her....