My mom's boyfriend touched me in all the wrong places

Life is great besides all the things that bring me down
i wonder if i can ever forget
forget that my moms boyfriend touch me
all in the wrong places....
i mean how could he do that i was only a child
but i guess theres sick people out there...
i told my mom about it...
but all she did was tell him to apologize...
what Good was that for me...
living in pain and tears...
it happened when i was 11 or 12 years old
now i am 16 years of age...
and it still haunts me that i never felt that my mom cared and believed me that he really did do that to me...
i felt like everyone though i just made this
up because of my parents separation...
also leading to a divorce eventually...
it hurt me that i felt that my didn't believe me...
i cried out loud first then it faded to silent...
when i was only around myself to cry...
i cried myself to sleep....
thinking i probably deserved what he did....
but then i thought did i....
my brother once told me after the a couple of year of the incident...
he talked to me serious...
and usually he's a joker type of person...
so at first i though he was joking...
but then i realized he was serious as can be....
he asked me and i quote"did he really do that to you or are u just saying that to get back at mom for cheating on dad"i looked up at him so hurt trying to answer his question without shedding in tears and saying....
how could you even think for one second...
i would make something up like that...
yeah there are kids that do things like that..
but i am not one of them..
i told him yes its true........
he said did he physically try to force himself in me i said no..he just was touching me on the outside...
he told me it was 50/50 that he believed me but then he didn't know.....
i was so hurt for what he was telling me...
but he said he would shoot him if he ever tried to force himself on me ever....
he said he would go to jail for me even though...
he has a wife and a Lil girl....
but if my moms boyfriend were to ever try to do that...
of course i wouldn't ever tell my brother.....
so now its like i try not to cry but when i think about it....
it hurts me so bad....
i don't know what to do.....
i feel like killing myself but then i think what am i thinking of doing that for....
i mean i love my mom so much....
she use to give me like 40 dollars everyday...
when she would leave me to stay the night with her boyfriend when all i would wish for her to stay with me That whole time...
i beg her to stay with me....
of course i like the money she gave me...
but eventually i felt like she was giving me money just so i wont bug her.....
sigh.....until now she is still with the man that touched me all in the wrong places....
and i live with her.....
people would just probably say live with your DAd but its not that easy because my mom is a diabetic...
she's on medical only because of me...
if i leave there goes her free supplies of medication to keep her alive....
so if she got real sick i wouldn't be able to live with myself saying its all my fault for leaving her....
-hurt and tired of being tired of hurting-