So long

by greeneyed wonderer   May 10, 2007


Found this in my old poems book woke it about 5 yrs ago
when i was about 9 or 10.

I'm drowning in a ocean of sorrow,
I'll mostly be gone before tomorrow,
So this is goodbye,
Please be silent, don't cry.
My life was good,
Don't get me wrong,
Just couldn't take it this long.
My heart beated for you, it was loud.
I remember I could see your beautiful smile even through the crowd.
I told you haw i felt about you
but you walked away
All you could say is not her not now another day.
I came to you with confidence
but you tore it down
My heart was stunned then dropped to the ground
Now it not beating as fast
Soon enough this feeling wont last
just one more heart beat
one more breath
one last thing I can say
So I say goodbye.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Dark Savior

    Interesting piece. This seems a little too advanced for someone so young, not the writing, it seems as though the subject is a little down and out of your luck.

    I really liked it and felt it was a good piece, I just never thought that 9/10 year olds could write like this. I know that when I was 10 all I wanted was candy and baseball.

    I give it a 5.

    On a side note, you should watch the long sentences.

    My heart beated for you, it was loud.
    I remember I could see your beautiful smile even through the crowd.

    too long for it, but I know that was a message that you wanted to get across to everyone. Wonderful job on the poem, keep up the great work.

    5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Mia

    This is good.

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