Against Better Judgement

Why didnt I listen to her?
Shes always been right
I should have just stayed home that night.
If it had been delayed,
It may never have happened at all.
If I actually gave some thought into my future
If I had thought about how I would really feel
Things would be so much different.
I didnt want to believe it,
But I knew she was right on
She knows me too well.
So now I suffer at my own fault.
I say Im okay.
I say Im under control.
I say it doesnt hurt.
I say this is what I want.
Im lying right through my teeth.
I walk around with a smile on my face
Trying to hide the feeling of shame.
I wish I could start over.
Show the real me, not try to impress
But its too late, so I suppress
the regret and keep on moving forward.
I try to play with the cards Ive been dealt
And try not to get deeper into the hole.
All I can do now is fold.
Fold, quit and crumble inside like I always do.
But I refuse.
Stupid how I quit what I need
And pursue the unnecessary.
Pursue the impossibilities, so Im always let down
But at least I know what to expect...
She will always be by my side
Watching, guiding, protecting,
No matter how badly I ruin myself
Because she is my best friend
And she loves me unconditionally.
She makes me happy every time he makes me sad.
She points out the truth when Im stuck on false hope.
She keeps my secrets inside forever.
She is my other half and without her, I wont survive.