May 7, 07

I have lingered between the shadows of my pride and self indulgence

feeding feverishly off the goodness of others and the pain festering inside of me

a shot of whatever is closest to my fingertips [without pills now, to say the least]

hiding in disappointment and liquid courage

screaming my pain in the form of anger

letting those who i know will never love me for my worth take advantage

shutting doors to those i know won't

pain is such a powerful emotion

and i feed it with conviction

i want to hurt

i want to bleed

to drink myself into a brain-dead stupor

that is where i will feel most at home

with the salty taste of blood in my mouth,

my fingers numb

my breathing short

at least i know I'm alive

and capable of dieing

with each slower

bah bump

bah bump

of my aching heart.