Wounds of the Knife

Catchy. i like <333

AWESOME DESCRIPTIVE WRITE. VERY WELL WRITTEN. I ENJOYED READING IT. WELL DONE. ALL THE BEST WISHES BEN THOMPSON

Hello and congrats again on your win :-)

I want to be clear from the start; I am always honest in my reviews. If there are things that need fixed, I will tell you and then explain why. I do not believe in simply saying great poem unless there are no problems. sooooo, with that said:

SYLLABLE COUNT AND FLOW:

Though tourniquets may (5 syllables)
Be wrapped 'round salted wounds (6 syllables)
The blood still seeps (4 syllables)
Crimson red and maroon (6 syllables)

syllable count is VERY important to the rhythm and flow of a poem. To ensure that these are in proper order, read a poem aloud. If you find places that stutter you, they will also stutter the reader. Try this instead:

Though tourniquets may be
wrapped 'round salted wounds
The blood will still seep
Crimson red and maroon

Like this, your flow and rhythm are kept smooth and it keeps the reader from stuttering over unneeded words.

Crusading through Heaven
While you're in denial

Crusading stutters the reader. Try instead crusades.

Quench the thirst for blood (5 syllables)
As you lay slowly bleeding (7 syllables)
Drink your sweet tears (4 syllabels)
It's just what you've been needing (7 Syllables)

Flow and rhythm are off. Try instead:

Quench the thirst for blood
As you lay bleeding
Drink in your sweet tears
It's just what you're needing

Syllable count is closer and flows better.

May not be the proper choice:
He will drain you of light

Try saying that He'll drain you of light.

Your heart is now dead (5 syllables)
Cold and blue is your life (6 syllables)
Your tourniquet wasn't strong enough (9 syllables)
To stop wounds from the knife (6 syllables)

To be honest, I have no earthly idea how to fix the third line... but it does not flow correctly. You have a small amout of syllables through the others and then throw in a whopper.

With all of that said (and you probably wondering what in the world my problem is) I say that this is still a good poem. I like the meaning and the imagery is good

The imagery in this poem was really excellent. You could kindof see this really blood soaked tourniquet in the minds eye. This creates an entire image, and this image shows that theres a story behind it and i want to know wyhat this story is. What caused you to take the knife. Seems like your thinking about death alot though. Are you ok? Im hear if you need to talk or anything. It intresting how you refered to the wound as salted. This created the image of ocean to me. Maybe... you meant that your wound and the blood was so widesread it was like an ocean? Your rhyming scheme gave the poem a good flow. Youve got quite a bit of reference of religion in this poem. It makes me ownder... i mean suicide is frowned upon on many religions. Purhapse you feeling guilt from doing this? A very intresting read non the less. To improve this i suggest you use punctuation. Keep writing! xx

"Crimson red and maroon" excellent..excellent choice of words, you created a masterpiece without cramming it full of metaphorical scenarios..this is truly amazing work..keep it up!