These feelings

These Feelings
My mind is clouded with thoughts,
Making the sunny thoughts incapable to shine through,
Nothing seems real,
Nothing seems true,
Every friendship,
Seems to end,
In this world,
Is there really a true friend?

So many thoughts,
Blocking happiness from making its way,
I want to end it all,
Every bit of it today,
But I cannot,
Because I know, it is not right,
Sometimes it seems the only answer,
To ever finding light,

I feel as if an outcast,
Something hurts but I do not know what,
Sometimes it hurts so much,
I just want to take a razor and cut,
I try to talk,
But the words will not come out,
Why do I feel this?
What is it all about?

At times, I am so happy,
Then it just goes away,
I wonder…
Why won’t it ever stay?
Why do hateful words come out?
That I know I don’t mean,
Why does nothing stay right?
Is this just one bad dream?

Why do I feel this way?
Why is nothing real?
Why?
Do I say things with a cold heart of steal?
Why do tears,
Rush down my face,
Why do I feel?
As though I am a disgrace,
Why doesn’t he love me?
When I love him with my whole steal heart,
Why?
Do I keep falling apart?
So many why’s I wish could be answered,
But I know they never will be,
What is going on in my mind?
Why can’t I just be me?

Pain and agony,
Used to be words that were overrated,
Nothing,
That is what I hated,
Now I hate life,
It is killing me softly as the days pass,
One day it is going to go too far,
And I will be buried underneath the grass,

I am so filled with hurt,
And I don’t even know why,
Sometimes it feels like,
There is no healing except for to die,
My mind is full of clouds,
Blocking the sunny thoughts from shining through,
It makes me so confused,
I do not know what to do,

Nothing seems true,
Nothing seems real,
Happiness,
I am unable to feel,
Pain and agony,
Fills up on the inside,
And for some reason,
It tells me to hide,

So here I go,
Feeling it again,
When will it stop?
When?
What is wrong with me,
Why can’t I fly to the sky,
So many questions,
Beginning with why……….

By,Denysia Chapman-Madden