How I really felt.

Shes locked inside this shell, A permanent hell. She wants to scream she wants to yell, but god it wont help. All her friends she trusted so. Lied for this she knows. She wants to die wants to give up. Crying on the floor. Shes so fed up. She hates them so, for they dont know! I hate it. All the lies. Why do I listen to your alibis? I love you so, but I cant dare to show you I still care. Its easier this way even though its hard.
It hurts inside. But Ill live on. You dont see how much it hurts.. All you see is the worst. I want to hold you.. I want to wipe your tears.. But I cant and I know this. But jeez cant a girl wish? Im so scared.. So hurt. I push it away Barry it in the dirt. Cover up my tears and my scream inside cover up the hurt.. And the dreams that died. Hide my broken heart tape back the pieces. Though its empty inside, I try to believe theres something for me. That somewhere out there I can be free. Free from pain free from this misery free from me. I just want to be loved, held tight someone to think of through the night. But I come to realize. I cant have that, cant have bliss... no one shall want something such as this. I am %-*ked up, I wont deny it. Yes I need help but its not my fault. You did this to me. You did it all! You brought my pain you let me fall! you told me I am nothing you told me to shut up.. how dumb of me to believe such stupid things. I hate you for all the lies for everything you put me through .