A sad yet very beautiful poem. I dont use the word beautiful loads when commenting on poems, i think this is the first time ive used it while commenting a sad poem. Yet the way you described this girl, it was simply beautiful. I loved the description you used in this poem, it created excelent imagery. The way you described the girl; "sweet angelic scent", was realy beutiful. And the the fact that it was just your imagination. Its really powerful, and very emotional. To improve this i suggest you use a more variety of punctuation. Otehr then that a good read. Keep it up! xx

Hey its whitney. lol. i loved the poem it was beautifull. sad but beautifull.

Awww..sad...yet beautifully penned poem
U've expressed well in this 1.....the end was rather twisting...i expected a happy ending...lol...but this ending gives the poem an extra beauty!!.Kp it up!
5/5 as always!
xxPoojaxx

Okay.
First Stanza: First line; Take out the "I'm" in the first line, it will help the flow and sound more poetic. Second line should be something like: Like tears that roll down my face, it would probably help the flow a bit. Last line would sound better if it said " As I begin"
Second Stanza: First line; instead of to the put on, it'd sound a bit better. Last two lines should become one sentence in two lines and you shouldn't have 'is' and 'was' it should ALL 'is' or all 'was'.
Fourth Stanza: neared instead of near. shined instead of shines. have had instead of have her in.
Fifth Stanza: Perfection. :D
Overall: I loved the ending, lots. You did a great job with this poem, there were a few MINOR things that could improve it, or so I thought. Others might not. This is your poem, remember that. So, not all my critique is usefull. I think you could have used better words to describe, to make it sound a bit more poetic. But, overall you did a GREAT job. I absolutely loved it. :D
Keep it up, sweetheart.

Sweet poem sad but great

So sad, but so beautiful. Well chosen words, dripping with bitter sweet emtions. I love your style of writting, I was glued to the screen as I read on. Perfectly penned, Excellent job 5/5 I will definalty read more when i get the cahnce.

Bro. So sad. But i like it like hell.
Keep it up! I love you bro. ;)
Stay strong. :) Stop being so EMO ok? I dont like that! :)

Soo sad, but yet so powerful to geiv off good emtions.. good job and keepup the good work 5/5

Oh my...this is really sad...
though absolutely beautiful...
i must say: free verse is a very difficult write, is hard to make it look poetic, but you surely made it...
i like the theme, it reminds me of my own write, it's so easy for me to relate to it...
5/5
keep going
*isabel*

I love this poem because i can completly relate to it. I cry about this sometimes too, especcially when your friend is in a good relationship and you aint! I love it 5/5

Aww this is so sad.. but written so amazingly. I loved it. Keep up the great work. 5/5
Check mine out

Awe this is sad. and if u got a thing for sad poems cool i do too

I liked the descriptions all around the poem..they were so interesting amd so wonderful
And flow keeps you going
Beatifully penned,
Laura

It's so true that when we get desperate for love we'll look for it anywhere, sometimes you'll spend a night with somebody just because you wanted someone to hold onto. Excellent poem and amazing imagery 5/5 GG23

What a sad poem.
Great rhyming and word choice.
Very emotional.
A beautiful piece of writing.
Take care

Hey! Here I go! :)

Stanza 1:
"Walking alone on a rainy day
Like tears that rolls down my face
I hold myself as tight as I can
As I begin to shiver in this arctic road"

-- There seems to be a sad feeling in this stanza, as it's the 'alone on a rainy day', but I love dancing in the rain, so I think rain = happy, but in this case, I'll feel sad :) Love the word choice, 'arctic road'. Gives me the feeling of 'rain' and 'cold'.. and the 'road' as in 'alone'. Nice choice. :)

Stanza 2:
"All my hopes... Like a raindrop trampled to the ground
I'm a mysterious boy forsaken in my frigid life
No one was there to hold me in their arms...
No one was there when I was tormented by my former love..."

-- Again with the rain. Love imagery here.. 'raindrop.. trampled to the ground'.. leaves a sad feeling here. very well written. Haha.. Love the word 'frigid' -- well used. This is really sad, as if the character/person your writing about is expressing their feelings to me, and as if their head is bowed in depression, telling me, reaching out to me.. :) Very well done. :)

Stanza 3:
"As I am nearing my destination
Someone beautiful stands there like a tree
She shines fiercely like a star in the skies
She's a descended angel from heaven."

-- All of a sudden there is a change. And how you have introduced this is brilliant. Love the word choice here too.. 'shines fiercely'.. and also the metaphor, 'like a tree' or is it a similie? ROFL.. I forgot.. But it's well done :)

Stanza 4:
"As I neared her I felt a warm wind past through me
The breeze carried her sweet angelic scent
She shined like the sun in this misty day
I wish I could have her here in my arms."

-- Naww.. such a sweet stanza.. :) The word choice again is brilliant... however, a suggestion.. maybe, because you use the word 'rain' and 'raindrop' in the previous stanzas and it left me with a 'sad-rainy-day' feeling. So, *suggestion* maybe, change the word 'misty' to 'rainy' because to me, it now sounds like he just came from a horror movie [rofl.] so, rather it sound scary, maybe bring that sad feeling back in? :) Otherwise, love the word choices. :) Brilliantly done. :)

Stanza 5:
"I came closer to her... I could see her eyes
Suddenly I realized it was just my sheer delusion
I look up in the rainy sky and cried...
It was just my heart's desire to love someone..."

-- Nawww.. It ended! :( The imagery is beautiful in this. My personal opinion is that maybe you finished it too quickly.. maybe another stanza could be added, a little like the repeat of the first one? For example:

"I walk alone on this rainy day
The tears that roll down my face
I hold myself as tight as I can
As she disappears on this arctic road"

Maybe?

Just a suggestion :)

Poem Conclusion:
Very well written. I loved it, however, I felt it stopped to abruptly.. Maybe a nice finish will top it off :) Well done!

-- Your work is too good to be left unwritten :)
If you have words bugging you in your mind, WRITE THEM DOWN :) It would be good either way.. as all of your work is! :)

Well done! And Good Luck! :)

[ 5 / 5 ]

All the best,

Nicole

x x x