I don't know who I am any more

I'm a girl of 15, pretty and sweet.
Theres nobody else I'd ever want to be.
Life is a gift, I'm alive and carefree.
I laugh and I sing, I joke and I dance.
I'm a straight A student, my life is a breeze.
My future looks bright, my dreams within reach.
My life is a gift theres no other way, I'd ever want it to be.

One day later, this picture isn't so clear,
I lie alone in the dark, living in fear.
I don't laugh anymore, I don't sing nor do I dance.
My life's gone before me in what seems like a flash.
I'm frightened and scared feeling so dirty and bold,
I'm so confused and so numb, I'm lost in my own world.

Who is this girl I see staring back at me,
I can't think, I cant function, I don't know me.
Ive turned into a walking skeleton, my soul is gone, I'm just some skin and bones.
My grades have slipped, my teachers just scold 'what has got into you, why are you being so bold?'
My behaviors dysfunctional, its out of control, I've turned into a beast so bitter and cold.

I'm on a path of self-destruction,
spiraling into a dark hole.
I cant sleep at night, he appears in my head,
I cant concentrate on anything, hes still here in my head.
I lie in class with my head on the desk, I scribble and doodle to hide from the pain.

Why wont he go, hes done what he did, he hurt me that day, wasn't that enough?
Why does he hunt me in everyday and every thought.
I just wish he would disappear so I could move on and forget.
Every days such a battle, I don't know if I can survive.
I'm wearing this mask, which I'm hiding behind.
Everyone thinks they know who I am, a mad teenager who has just gone of the tracks.
They say, 'give her a few weeks and she will soon see sense, she will return to her former self.'
If only it was so easy, I wanted to yell, if only you knew I was living in hell!
I want you to see the pain behind the mask, I'm tired of pretending I'm as hard as can be.

Ive taken the booze, I've popped the pills, I've sniffed the speed, I've got high on weed.
I managed to escape this painful world for what seems like only a second.
But the tears still come, the nightmare wont pass and the flashbacks wont stop!
I'm tired of fighting, I'd just rather have peace, I need to give up and go to sleep!