Why do i feel like this?

Some nights i stay up late and cry,
Other times i feel as if i could die!
In my life i feel not loved,
I always get kicked around or shoved
but why should i be happy?
How can i be if I'm treated so crappy?
everyday seems like a battle
i get thrown around like a baby's rattle
Sometimes everything can be so scary,
Why cant i just be happy and merry?
For all my faults, i am to blame,
I am the one to take the shame.