Big Deal

I wrote his name at the top of my paper,
Inside a huge heart.
Obsessed? Not me
This is just the start.

I attempted to erase the heart
Or even just his name.
Oh, if he ever sees this
I'll never be the same.

I love him
And that's a big deal for me.
I've fallen before
But it was never meant to be.

I never had that one person
To go to when I needed to be held.
Every time I tried to love someone
I failed.

I wanted so much to just give up
To make the tears go away
But I never could do it
So here I lay

I'm waiting for him to break my heart
Just like all the other did.
Wishing all the time,
I could hide my heart under a lid.

He's taking forever
Just to say no
He's still deciding you say?
How can that be so?

There's no way
He could like me.
I'm not special
There's no way it could be.

I'm not smart,
I'm not popular,
I'm not pretty &
I won't go that far.

But I still love him
And that's a big deal for me.