Starring = staring

I wish I could say I was uncaring = badly forced rhyme

That you passing didn't affect me, = That your passing didn't affect me,

was not my fist = was not my fiRst

care, = cared, (the person is dead, it's not present tense, it's past tense)

life, has = life has (emit the comma)

steamed = streamed

the day you died = the day that you died (helps the flow)

It leaves me sad and blue. = too cliche

have fell = wrong way to use the word... too forced.

It was very touching, and I suggest you make the changes of which are labled above. I liked this, although I think your rhymes are either too simple, too forced, or too cliche. Come up with some new lines to make this poem more unique...

Other than that, well done.

5/5
~Stephen White

Wonderfuly sad poem. So full of deep emotion. I really liked this one. Another great read and write. 5/5

Wow.. amazing poem.. very well written and really told a story. I love the flow and just the way the whole thing was written overall.. great job.. It was very touching and filled with emotion. Once again, wonderful poem.. keep it up =]

There are a few grammatical errors mentioned by the first reviewer to be fixed, I won't repeat that any more. Besides that, I love how it was developed in a manner of storytelling. 'Twas also touching and very heartfelt. (My condolence for your loss.) On the whole, it's a nicely penned sad poem. Good effort ~Debbie

This was a lovely poem. i loved it and i noticed that you threw an acrostic in there. The word "father" It was good. I liked it. 5/5. Keep it up :)

Really moving.

I went to put flowers on your grave today,
But I didn't know what to say.
-- That was a bit... unflowy? I don't know.
It just seemed cliched that you'd rhyme
Today with say.
So in silence I just stood there, [[starring]]
Definition of starring: a person's destiny, fortune, temperament, etc., regarded as influenced and determined by the stars
I think you meant, staring - stare-ing.
Starring is pronounced... star-ring.
That you passing didn't affect me,
But you were not there to protect me.
It would be better if you could find
Another word that rhymed with me.
I felt unshed tears standing in my eyes
I pictured tears with legs that could stand.
Maybe you could change that word into something else?
Your second stanza?
It could've been flawless except for
One teensy detail.
Your ending didn't flow as well as the rest.
Cheek and week?
That was really... randomn.
It was really forced to me.
Also. you spelt cheek wrong.
Okay I'm going to stop right now.
This was not the poem I imagined coming from you.
This was... I don't know.
But certainly not one of your bast.
Your spelling was blah.
Your flow? Forced.
It just doesn't seem like a poem you'd make.
I don't know if I should vote.
I know I'm going to give you a pretty low one.
I'm really sorry to be so harsh.
I'll give you permission to yell at me :]

I really love this poem and the sadness in it's words. We have lost somebody we love dearly and no matter how much time passes it never gets any easier to live without them. amazing write, great flow nice job 5/5

Wow. now this is beautiful, you were able to show your emotion and grief in one powerful movement..... i clap for you.
the flow is perfect, rhyming was okay, but your wording and power. wow.
5/5 for this.
gabriella

I liked the meaning you portrayed throughout this poem although i found there to be a few errrors throughout it. Like this one

That you passing didn't affect me,
But you were not there to protect me.

Your ryhmed "me" with "me" which makes it sound a bit off. The flow was a little off in some places and i found some word ryhmes to be forced and cliche. Other then that i liked this poem alot because the emotions were strong and produced beautifully. Not one of your best poems but with a lfew things fixed i think it would get better. Well done on a nice meaningful poem~mel

I liked this poem but think you could do alot better if you took the time to re-read it. There was alot of mistakes that made a very large pause in the poem as I tried to figure out what the word you meant was. Other than that, it deserves a big 5 rating.

The emotion delivered overshadows any typos which you may decide to edit. I was so deep into the feelings I did not even notice them at first... great poem

Great poem! beautifully penned! well done! I like the way you rhymed some lines! flow was good for me. I like the title too.. actually my former love made a poem for me 'Here without you' so its a little similar but anyway keep writing! 5/5!

Omg that was so effin sad, I am sorry for your loss heatfelt, keep it up

The second paragragh was great

A good, storng piece, full of depth and emotion. My favorite stanza was the first, and in fact, I think it was the first four lines inparticularly.

Brad