Mindflow part 2

This online journal
of my mind
saves ink, paper
and my time.

Four in the morning
and I can't sleep
from out of nowhere
comes tears I weep.

Music lovingly consoles me,
while darkness steadily consumes.
Theres a burning sadness in my soul,
that chokes me with its fumes.

I tried hard to sleep,
but laid awake in bed,
visualizing all these words
dancing around in my head.

I burned my forsaken paddle.
I know I'll need it later.
I can't row with my hands,
in a river full of gators.

I don't understand
what is wrong with me.
Why can't I just bounce back
like others I see.

Orb of Darkness
or Orb of Light.
Whatever the element
my head still ain't right.

I don't expect anyone to understand this but should you, congratulations! You've entered the mind of a maniac-lonerlette