Last Move

Here I am again
Lost in my own world
Surrounded by confusing thoughts.
This world of mine,
It's just not safe.
All the thoughts that cross my mind
Are so controlling...so tempting.
I don't want to live
If this is the way it must be.
I've lost everything.
I've tried to get it all back
But it seems it's just not worth it anymore.
Is it even worth living?
Is there a reason I'm still here?
What does my future hold?
Is it as bad as the present?
Or will all these troubles just disappear?
I must know
Although that's not possible.
But I can't keep living the way I am.
My own mind scares me.
What will I do next?
What will my next move cause?
MORE pain, MORE misery....death?
I never can tell
And I will never know
When one bad move will be my last.