That last line was just perfect. The title was what caught me. It's unique. Keep up on that. Titles are very important. Things that are so simple like one word can really have an impact as well. A title that doesn't make since is also good to keep in mind. My poem One White Line is interesting because you'd have no idea what it is about by just reading the title. Once again there are some inconsistancies that can be improved upon. I recomend reading the poems of the contest winners. Look at the titles, the style, if it rhymes is it consistant, ect. Chances are it has won because it's good and they're great to learn from. Take a topic they wrote about and give it a shot. Maybe if you're feeling daring you can open a dictionary and just read random words you could fit into your poem. Maybe you could flip it open and the first word you see will be the title of your poem then you could work off of the title....hee hee hee what if it's a sexually transmitted desiease. lol ignore that. unless you want to. You could make it serious. Well I gave it a three because of the title being good along with a few of the rhyming lines but the consistancy needs work as well as some spelling errors. You're not alone everyone does it. As long as the message gets across you can get away with it.