Weak;

by Ash   May 28, 2007


Unaware but cautious
scared but lacks fear
hurt but traces steps of laughter
you mix these feelings like salt and pepper

finding it harder with every vibrating stomp
crying tears that fall from these cheeks
splashing white sheets once through and gone

running down your past
racing through the future
baby its no use when you hide in your torture

tremble and crash
disappear without notice or care
away with these winds that toss us around
float on the clouds that seem so safe and sound

desperate measures lead to your upset mind
walk the distance you always left behind
build those muscles you never had to work for
find that strength you once saw in these old droors

cough up your lies you've been choking on
spit up the dirt you've been feeding yourself
never press on to find that greater light
you left your heart beating in the dead of night

stand up straight don't fall over
you're becoming breathless
you're losing your cover.

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by dollwithafrown

    I agree about the confusing part, but some parts of this were brilliant:

    "running down your past
    racing through the future
    baby its no use when you hide in your torture"
    ^ I really liked that stanza. It gives off the impression of somebody being so confused about their past, and the future, that they just don't know what to do. Maybe they refuse to focus on the present?

    Overall, good job.

  • 17 years ago

    by Vanessa

    It was a little confusing, but the metaphors were brillant. The poem would be a little easier for the reader to read and understand, if you seprate it in to stazas. Other tahn that the simple word choice was quite effective, and the emtion was strong, and clear. 5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Startle Me

    Honestly?
    There was too much contradicting.
    It felt like... lies?
    Lol.
    I know, weird.
    But when I usually think of that word,
    Lies are the first thing comes up in my mind.
    All in all, it was REALLY confusing.
    I tried to get it at first, but blah.
    I ended up tuning it out.
    All in all dearest,
    From what I understood.
    It was pretty good.
    Although it WAS a bit confusing.
    I still give it a 4/5 :]

  • 17 years ago

    by ~*SugarCube*~

    Different poem, but i like it. Great job. 5/5

    ~Chelsea~

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