Darkness over powering,
as I sit here all alone,
trying to see all good,
BUT ALL BUT GOOD SEEMS TO COME MY WAY
Trying hard to see past the shadows,
where anything comes lurking,
but no matter what I do,
ONLY DARKNESS IS IN SIGHT.
Why's my memories full of darkness,
when it should be shining bright?
Is this the way I still see things?
or AM I GOING IN SANE?
I know there's good in my life,
but I seem to remember the bad even more,
making me blame myself for everything,
LIKE THE DEATH I SAW BEFORE IT HAPPENED.
Will I ever stop placing guilt,
on things that have happened in my life?
or WILL LEAVING HIM BEHIND,
HAUNT MY EVERY THOUGHT BEFORE I FALL ASLEEP?
Crying my eyes out once in a great while,
just out of no where do I start to shed,
all the water from these eyes,
till no more seems to flow,
CAUSING MY EYES TO BURN.
No one will ever understand,
these feelings burried deep inside of me,
when I'm hurting out of the blue,
with NO WAY TO TREAT IT IN ANY WAY.
If they happen to find me,
will they take me away,
after all the hiding that I've done?
I DONT THINK A HAPPY ME WILL APPEAR.
So I'll sit back,
remember the small memories,
filled with a bit of goodness,
and hopefully this whole thing will by pass,
that way NO MORE CRYING WILL ACCURE IN MY LIFE.
Pen, paper, and these tears coming down my eyes,
are all I see infront of me,
as the sound of music surrounds me,
while that TAPE BURNS IN MY CLOSET,
of me and my grandpa dancing in the livingroom.
No one seems to understand,
what losing a loved one feels,
till they finally lose someone in there life,
but for me death just seems like apart of me,
cause I'VE LOST SO MANY PEOPLE IN MY LIFE,
that SOMETIMES I WONDER WHO WILL BE NEXT.
Everyone says GOD HAS PLANS FOR US ALL,
but WHY does MY PLANS SEEM TO DEAL WITH DEATH,
one right after the other,
ever since I CAN REMEMBER?
I DONT want you to think I doubt the LORD,
by questioning something like this,
but it's how I truly feel,
deep down inside my heart,
that GOD'S plans for the people in my life,
IS FOR ME TO LOSE AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE.
So why does DARKNESS surround me?
maybe its cause negative is all I see,
when positive should be filled inside me.
So until I finally find the light,
my good memories will be over powered,
BY ALL THE NEGATIVE, BAD IN MY LIFE.
No wonder closeness is taken away,
ALL WHOM I GET CLOSE TO VANISHES AWAY.
NO MORE FAVORITE COUSIN TO SPEND TIME,
NO MORE FAVORITE AUNT TO RUN TO,
on those HARD TIMES,
And no more uncle to joke around with.
NOT ONLY THROUGH DEATH DO I LOSE THEM,
BUT BY OTHER MEANS AS WELL,
SO NOW MAYBE I SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM EVERYONE,
BEFORE I LOSE THEM ALL.
