WOW that was really great , I like that ,you did a wonderful job on this one proud of you, everything about was good ,keep it up ,your friend Tracy
~5/5~

Wow! you say things in such a unique way, and so clearly! this poem was great to read, and really strong!

Wow.. what an amazing story you tell with such few words.. you are very talents to be able to pull that off.. I cant explain how amazing this poem is.. excellent job. and thanks for the comment =]

Great,,,, but sad
yet it is filled with alot of emotions, i mean so sad though.
the last two lines were the best. keep it up. 5/5

I enjoyed reading this piece its one of my styles n really resembles to my piece called The Dream. I give u 5/5 cz it was simple, short and sweet.

Awesome work. Its so hard to get so much emotion through such short sentences but you pulled it off. Hardly any words used to tell such a painful tale but it was done so well. Nice work. 5/5

I liked the structure of this poem. You short lines said pleanty. The rhyming couplets youve used are brilliant and help create a steady flow. The first stanza was really touching. It made the poem seem... well i thought it should be in the explicit catagory of the site. Or love. I owndered why you put the poem in the sad catagorie. The secound stanza shows change in the poem. The poem turns in a new direction. I liked your aliteration of; "Stale smoke" it created this sound... and it worked well. The thrid stanza... well i feel a sense of pleading going on. The nthe olast stanza concludes the poem in a brilliant way. It works really well, you create this image of acctually being kiked out and what life would be like then. A great read. Keep then up! xx

So interesting subject and you really explained it well..So sad and sorrowful by the words and flow keeps you going
It sure deserves a 5/5 from me
Well done,
Laura

I liked this very much. There are some things I didn't like as well. That would be your transitions between stanzas on the third stanza. Your short lines are very effectlive, and kept me at interest. I really had trouble understanding the third stanza honestly. But you had great imagery mixed in there as well. Thank you for teh comment.

God bless

~skittles

Wow. This poem says a lot with such a small amount of words, I love that. At first it's so beautiful, a moment between two people so cherished, something of joy.. and then it turns cold and just gets worse as it goes along... Very deep. I really liked this one.
5/5 all the way.. Maybe more if it were possible.

I really enjoyed this, I found it to be very refreshing to read, original and unique in concept, the flow was good throughout, and the imagery was beautifully painted.

Honestly?
This didn't capture my attention at all.
It seemed... dull.

It's maybe because of your format.
There's nothing catchy about it.
It made me want to read fast and get it overwith.

4/5.

I like how you broke this up so there were only two or three words in each line, and how you managed to make it rhyme at the same time. The flow was a bit off at most parts, but I can't blame you since the rhyme and syllible sceme caused that to happen.

Wow its short and perfect trully a work of art i have it 5/5 :)

This poem was excellent.i can relate to it very well.
i just love the way you have written it.the imagery was perfect and the flow was good.i espically love this stanza

Long hall
faint call
Turns away
Nothing to say
Icy stare
No where
Such grief
Sweet leaf
Stale smoke
Twisted joke
Sad grin
Pain held within

She's late
Oh great
Desperate prayer
No one there
Secret kept
She wept
Stopped him
Eyes dimmed
One time
Not mine
Slight touch
Hurt so much

i just love the way you have written this stanza.keep up the good work and hope we stay in touch
best wishes
and take care
emmeline

Wow this poem is really good there was alot of emotion=)

I agree with those commenting before me. this was very well written and you chose the right words and placed them perfectly. Nice work here.