Torrential Suicide

The word haunts me and my pain
Such a simple way to leave
Knowing it doesn't matter is too much to take
I don't think I'm strong enough to do it
The knife laughs shaking in my hand
The bottle rattles as it hit's the floor
My blood stains a world once white
My sobs echo off hollow walls
I hide in my shell wishing it were over
Wishing I could end it
My hand trembles as I write the note
The last thing I will ever write
It seems they mock me daring me to try
And as I fail over and over again
I start to doubt my thoughts
Maybe what I want is a second chance
Slowly I realize its too late
The pills are swallowed the pills
I smell of blood and death
Slowly I fill darkness creeping into my world
The pain leaves my head stops pounding
I feel the wetness of blood but my heart stops throbbing
As I awake I find myself in a world of white
I look around and see angels in snow
My eyes fall close again
Roused from a deep sleep I look around
No angels but whispering urgent yells
People I recognize stare down at me
My face goes blank when I see my parents
They too wear no expressions until now I have noticed nothing
Memory comes crashing down on me and sobs rack my body
I failed again I think I never left
The pain comes in a flood and I wish desperately to hide
Its too much to see all the hurt faces
They feel ashamed they think I cant see
All I see is the embarrassment they wear
Then people start overflowing the room
Doctors, nurses, family, friends
Everywhere I look some ones looming above
The hurt faces fill my head and I scream
One loud, continuing echo rickets off the walls
Startling everyone including myself
I wish desperately for a knife I wont fail this time
I can prove I'm no failure
Suddenly the faces are gone save for one
It takes me a minute to realize I'm still screaming
And to realize whose face I'm staring into
Those deep dark black eyes filled with secrets
Your body stays unmoving unsure as your eyes roam
First the room then my body finally my face, we stare into each others eyes
You ask only one question the one question I cant answer
The one question I ask myself everyday
The next few months I spend unblinking waiting for my chance again
It never comes and slowly I start to ignore the pain
I try to pay more attention to what they say
I do as I'm told and nothing more
They think they see improvement but its not there
Then comes the day I finally go home
I wait again for months until I'm all alone
I find the knife and aim it right I'm no failure
I once again feel the pain but this time it last only seconds
This time I succeed I prove to you I am no failure
I leave only one line written neatly on a piece of paper
"because I don't want to feel anymore"
And it's the end

Written: ????? Unknown