This poem seemed to come to an abrupt ending. Bothers me abit. I think you could have explained a little more exactly what you meant.

However, I like the idea of the poem.
You almost pulled it off, but what you were trying to portray would take a little more descriping and a lot longer of a poem. Maybe that's just me.
But, for some reason, this just isn't four material. =/. Heh. I like it.

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 5.5