Aww.. this is all in all really sweet and flowy. however, the biggest turn off were the first two lines. idk if you would want to show her it like that, cuz it may not beenfit you as much, even though your being honest. however, you nkow the girl better, so if you think she can handle it hand it to her the wa it is. or, reword it.

good job, especially with raw emotion, you did wonderful.. 5/5.

Hey mate i love this poem. it is soo sweet. youre a really cute writer. id love it if my bf wrote me a poem. he knows that i write heaps for him but he still never dus for me haha oh well...
but hay, if you really like this girl and youre sure she likes you too.... then yes, let her read it!!

good luck buddy
much love .xx

At first[[,]] I didn't even like you a bit
You should erase that bit.
It doesn't really flow into the poem.

At a point I started to notice how cute you [[are]]
It's were, dear.
You're talking about your past life.

All in all.
I have to say.
I liked your meaning, your topic.
But your grammar and your rhyming...
It was either forced or needed more.
All in all, 4/5?

This was a sweet poem and I think she would find it very nice. Would I give it to her. Yes, and then run like hell. No NO just kidding very well done good luck Plot121

I thought it was great!!! very sweet. I think that if you really feel that strongly about her, you need to let her know how you feel, and not just keep it to yourself. I would either let her read, or even better yet, YOU should read the poem TO HER, it'll mean more to her. once again, nice job, good rhyming.
5/5
rose<@>

Hey... i just read your post to my thing telling me which ones you wanted me to read so i guess you'll be getting three comments from me tonight.

anyways. i love the overall feeling of this poem. i understand how you feel. the whole smile of the girl that just kills you inside kind of thing. good job capturing that. and i love the line "I can no longer act like I don't because its not in my nature to pretend".

great job for a spure of "raw emotion."

If this doesn't show the girl how you feel about her then nothing will, If I were her i would be touched at the vey least. The grammer was off in some places, but the flow was good, and the emtion was deep and raw I probaly could have been more powerful, but the simple but effective word choice rally worked for you good job 5/5

Awwwwwww....so cute
very very sweet..i loved the last line..the starting,the lines in between..lol....everything..very cute..hope the girl read this one..
Excellent write marcus=)

5/5

xxPoojaxx

Awww this is really sweet, i think you should definitely show it to her! it was just amazing. keep on writing. 5/5

~Kristina

Its the most wonderful poem ever. the girl is very lucky cause it is oh my god. you should give it to her. but in the first two lines you messed up.

~*angela*~
aka~*luzyou*~