Slipped Away

by Brittany C   Jun 6, 2007


She slipped way
Lonely, she's lost
Into the darkness
Penetrate her heart
Pretending it's right
Entranced by hate
Darkness, she knows

Always alone, scared
Wrong at everything
And never understood
Years go by, now lost

They just slipped away
lost to her forever.
As she drowns in pain
her heart is now cold
and as hard as stone.
Slowly it's edges crumble
as she slips farther away.

Taking her last breath
as scarlet blood pooled
on the hard wood floor.
Life finally slipped away.

*written for a contest. Please tell me what you think of it.*

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Crystal Gaze

    By Far, the best one I have read by you.
    It just seemed so natural. The flow was flawless and it read from the heart.
    Excellent doesn't begin to describe how i think of this poem...

    xPaula.

  • 17 years ago

    by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex

    As scarlet blood pooled
    [[Get your a-s-s away from cliche. I KNOW you've got better lines then that.]]

    Otherwise.
    It wasn't too bad.
    I liked the short lines, but I read it straight through; very fast because there were no punctuation marks to slow me down or make me pause.
    Consider putting some in; they'll really enhance your meaning.

    xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 4.5

  • 17 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    I thought it was very good, the emotion was awesome, and the flow was good. I couldnt see anything wrong with it
    I'll give you a 5/5 for this.
    Love Tara-Kay

  • 17 years ago

    by BECCA lessTHANthree

    Wonderful job... i hope you win this contest.. this poem had great emotion in it and the flow was MUCH better.. this was an enjoyable read keep it up :D

  • 17 years ago

    by claire

    Good - i'm not a big fan of freeform, but this is amazing - a lot of sorrow, and "drenched in pain".

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