Oh my god! I'm a VAMPIRE!

What’s going on?
Since that strange man bit me
My arm is starting to get real itchy
I’m starting to burn in the sun

I get tired in the day
I can’t sleep at night
I’ve become very pale
Looking in the mirror is a fright
I think that this may be a bad dream
The cause;
Old pickles and ice-cream

I think this is crazy
I haven’t told anyone
But I think I know what
I have become
I think I’m a vampire!
All the facts are there!
I thirst for blood
I sleep in cow-hide underwear
I have a desire to scare little kiddies
Then take them to my house
And eat them by little bitties

What am I going to do?
I can’t get a tan now
Believe it or not
I have personal issues with really weird cows
I am so alone
And I always will be
Who in this world
Would love a Vampire like me?

I can’t turn into a bat
My fangs are real dull
They are about as sharp
As a stupid bowling-ball
What am I going to do?
I have no solution!
I’m starting to get hammered
By vial concoctions (Buckley’s)

I have no reason to live
Going to stab myself dead
But, oh crap, I can’t do that
Because I’m an undead!
Ssuicide ‘ain’t so simple
So instead of cutting my wrist
Like normal suicidal people
I need a big stick
And a hammer and garlic
I would walk over
To the Super-Market
But, dang, I’m out of luck
The sun’s up! OH PUCK!
Life sucks as a Vampire
No social life at all
I hate life to heck
Nothing better to do so I suck on peoples necks

This is not funny
Lord, I am no dummy
You got that man to curse me for a reason
Because I wear my outfits way out of season

This can’t get any worse
My voice is getting hoarse
I’ve had it with this crap
I’m going to sleep
I don’t even have a heart-beat!

So if you ever see me
Don’t be scared of me
Instead, show some sympathy
Because that’s what I’ll do
In my next life, (can’t wait, YAHOO!)
For the next Vampire I see
I will show plenty, plenty
Of sympathy