Kk two things; first shes walking, then running - whether or not thats supposed to have meaning, it seems to elevate the pace or the poem, like shes almost getting desperate, or maybe more hopeful. second thing:the part about vast beauty, i would change to vast sadness, or regret or longing, or change the word vast; it seems like you're trying too hard to rhyme. same with "rain of pain" - it sounds a bit like in my fair lady where shes like "the rain in spain falls mainly on the plain."sorry just thought of that anyway, i like it a lot (the lonely little girl is endearing) but a few tiny changes might make it a bit better