X.X..I try but it hurts..X.x

Amazing poem!
5/5
--Jess

Great poem

Awh, this was sad hun. Okay, I'm going to be very honest because hopefully it will help you improve. The flow was a little bit off in this. I think the lines were either too long or too short to sound good together. A tip I use is to try and keep the lines around the same length and usually this helps it to flow better. Also, your vocabulary was extremely simple. If you used better vocab then I think it would give the poem a little more "oomph" if you know what i mean? I like the concept but without your personal touch it's a little cliched and unoriginal. Try making your descriptions more detailed and better show your emotion. Oh and one more thing, try and stay away from the words "you, the, he, she" that sort of thing. Although this wasn't perfect, I still thoguht it was good. =] Keep writing sweetie. 4/5

Very nicee.. it was short but there is so much emotion in each line..a lot of people can relate to this too.. its something a lot of people go through.. very nice job.. keep it up and thanks for the comment =]