The Pain,Im Afraid That Im the Reaper

For awhile I never knew death,
never knew illness,
nor anything else,
after I hit the age of 11,
I noticed people where being taken away from me,
by this Lord above us,
the one who is suppose to take care of us,
either they died from suicide,
from an over dose,
or being killed,

the people that were in my life,
the ones who died,
they were all so close to me,
that it hurts to even talk about it,
year after year,
2,then 5,then,7 people dead,
so damn depressing isn't it?

this isn't a lie, this is a true story,
most recently my best friend was murdered in cold blood,
i was in school that day,
i fell to the floor in shock,
never spoke a word,
then there came the tears in a flood like river,
that i thought would never stop,

nobody really understood what i was feeling,
threw the years,all the people who i loved dearly where gone!!!
it was as if God himself put me on this earth,
to say "hey you the new reaper"
all who come close to you shall die,
and you shall live with guilt and pain forever!!!

everyday is a new reminder,
everyday I look for reasons to stay alive,
to find hope in this bull$h!t,
this is bull$h!t for real tho,
I'm 19 now and still loosing people,
i don't know how much longer i can take this,
this burden on my shoulder,is getting bigger by the day,
I'm afraid one day soon i will burst!!!
burst so badly that I'm left for dead........................

(<this is something thats bothering me badly,here starts all the anniversarys of all the people ive lost in my life,this is true pain,true feelings,confussed,but it exspresses what i do thre daily,please write me if you want,i doute anyone will tho..........>)