A Golden Shaft

I really liked this poem.

I like how its about the sun.

Great job!!!

5/5

I really like this one. Very well written. Short, and to the point. Great work. I also agree with some of the others, punctuation does need work, but so does mine, so I'm not really one to speak.
=]

Wonderful message, but punctuation does need work. I love that it has so many messages...but try and make it a tad bit more clear so that ummm...the people whom are not deep thinkers can grasp some meaning to the poem. I love to think about poetry but some do not. I think you have great potential and i am glad to see you trying different styles of poetry. I can give you a 4/5 for now!

-Sabree

Oh.
Short but sweet.
Toche.

Now.
I have one complaint.
As much I love the imagery and thought you put into this, I'd love to see punctuation. It really helps the flow of any poem and emphasises [spelling] even <more> what you're really thinking. So.
Let's see some semi colons!

Otherwise, beautifully penned.

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 5.5

Thanks for commenting guys! ok, Teria, you asked about multiple meanings, and you were right. this does contrast two people, in a way - it shows the perspective of someone who's laying in the dark, while someone else is living in the daytime out there. I didn't intend for it to exactly mean that in different parts of the world it is daytime, b/c the place where it is descibing is daytime outside. I was more contrasting inside to outside, stagnation to live, sadness to optomism and hard work. This poem can be taken many ways, I think, but that gives you an idea of what I was thinking when I wrote it. thanks for reading! :)