There really isn't any way you can improve ur feelings in a poem like this, and you shouldn't have to, poems that you make up and are false, THEn you could improve, but really trying to change ur words just to make other people happy isn't really a way to write! I thought that was a realy great poem, and you do'nt know how must i feel you on many counts, cuz i'm goin through it right now, don't change this poem no matter what people say, you shouldnt' have to!