Strive

by Maribell   Jun 14, 2007


Mystically a star shining in the dark night
Always perpetually becoming its white light
Rekindle the spirits and stand up to fight
Instead of giving up but struggled to make the future bright

Born with the ambition and hope to carve out a career
Endure all trials and whatever hardships won't pose a barrier
Loneliness and separation from loved ones makes the challenge harder
Love and God's blessings will make everything possible and pursue the meaning of intensely deeper

Trust in yourself but place your future in God's hand
Even though we have the free will and seems to be master our land
Reach out to your inner most conscious and subconscious self and choose what to make
Only you can carve out your future and select which path to take

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Maribell

    Yes, you're right I'm just starting out but anyway thank you for reading one of my poems and especially for the comments that you made. Your comments are somehow a great help to me in making another poems.

  • 17 years ago

    by sibyllene

    Hey there! I saw you on the members list for EOP, and it looks like you're just starting out, so I wanted to say hi and welcome you. "Welcome!"

    I've been reading some of your poems as well. I really like the message in this one- so many people like to write about pain, it's refreshing to see a poem that's actually inspiring.

    I'm feeling a little dissonance in the last stanza... I can't tell whether the poem is saying that -we- are ultimately in charge of our own life, or whether -God- is. Of course, you may be trying to balance the two, which could work as well, but it kind of left a mixed feeling.

    I really like the last line, by the way. It's direct, definitive, and delivers the message of the poem.

    The one suggestion I would make would be to alter some of your sentence lengths. It doesn't make as much of a difference in free verse poems, but when you write with such a strong rhyming pattern as you do, the reader expects the lines to be about the same length. When one is shorter, say, 12 syllables, and the next is 26, it makes reading a little ungainly. Basically, there are shorter ways to say what you want to say, in order to keep the flow of the poem nicer. ; )

    Anyway! You don't have to listen to everything everybody says, but those were my first reactions. I'm glad you joined EOP! Hope you like it!

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