We were a happy family
When I was small
Holidays were filled
With laughter and love
Others looked to us
As they grew up
Wishing they could stay
Hanging out was a plus
Good times were there
Family and friends always near
Fun in the summer sun
Splashing and laughing till the day was done
Then one day mom wanted out
She was done being a wife, a mother
There was no doubt
She moved away not long after that
Left all four girls at the house with dad
I was only ten when she left
Too young to understand the mess
I could not see her face anymore
Oh no, where did my mommy go???
I would cry myself to sleep at night
Wanting my mommy to hold me tight
Letting me know that I was still her baby
Telling me she loves me would have saved me
My sisters were near
To help take away the fear
It was too hard to bare
With no mommy there
She did her own thing
Not much contact was there
Being a mommy was not a priority
Later that became clear
My sisters were older
Understood more than I
They could be stronger
Even when they cried
The time came at last
She wanted to come home
My daddy said YES
We were a family once more
Years went by
About ten or so
My sisters were married
Had families of their own
I was twenty-two now
Still living at home
It started all over again
My mommy was done
I could not believe it
Still having issues from before
This time I had to go with her
She was not too happy
That I know for sure
We fought everyday
I could not take it anymore
Some how I found the money
And was out the door!
I moved to my own place
Back to Arcadia I went
My mommy was happy for me
Way too much I think
Over the years
I thought I had finally found
A mommy
That would want me around
I got attached
My fault to start
A woman to replace
What I had thought I lost
Some took me under their wing
Teaching me what I needed to know
Looked after me like a mother should
Loved me enough to never let me go
They said they would never leave
Just like my mommy did to me
They played head games
Till they were freed
My heart was broken
I did not know what to do
Suicide was a thought
And I attempted it too
I wanted a mommy
That wanted me too
To be there for me
Like mommies do
I was never abused
Nothing like that
I feel like my mommy was gone
And just wanted her back
We get along now
But not like before
There’s no real connection
Anymore
I some times get jealous
Over mothers and daughters
Seeing them so close
Hits me hard
There’s a part of me
Who still loves my mommy
The trust is gone I am sorry to say
Maybe I’m not suppose to
Have a mommy the rest of my days
