My life is complicated up to this moment.
It's seems to get from bad to worst.
And I don't seem to know what to do anymore.
My supposal special someone doesn't seem to treat me the way I would like.
People don't seem to appreciate me and think the worst of me.
And others blame me for their mistakes.
My mom uses me like her bank account.
My dad wishes the best for me but doesn't know the details through what's happening.
Some people would want me to clear the situation so he doesn't look bad.
But I know I would.
I know that my dad would be disappointed because he thought I was different, like my brother.
Because when I told him I was pregnant, he couldn't believe it.
He later cheered me up saying that all he wants from me is to be a professional and be happy.
But imagine what he would think if I tell him that my supposal special someone and I have nothing going on.
That IT just happened because I let it happened and for no other reason.
He would think something else and be devastated for my own actions.
Thinking that I wasn't careful enough and that's why I ended up pregnant.
Maybe thinking that I would just do that to anyone and I just accused him to look safe.
That's what people seem to want.
To make me look bad in front of others, especially my family
The things that they don't know is that everything happened to me for falling in LOVE with my supposal special someone.
Nobody knows the real story to OUR relationship, not even me.
I seemed to think one thing but it ended up the opposite.
I actually thought that the main reason he kept coming back to me was because we had something going on.
But guess I was totally wrong.
They make him look like the good one in this.
But they don't know him the way I do or thought I did.
I blame myself for letting it get this far.
I knew what I was expecting, but hoped that IT would someday change.
Look at me now to where I ended up.
I seemed to be walking out without anything.
I'm not even sure if my baby would survive this f**king tragedy with my health, my depression, my selfish needs.
Because doctors are giving me the worst by saying that I'm in high risk of losing HIM.
And I know that if I end up losing HIM, his father is going to hate me forever.
Blaming me that I let this happen because I had no control over myself.
I have nowhere to turn and I feel so empty that I cry sometimes.
I just know that this is the worst LIFE has given me.
What can be worst than this?
You tell me???
Let me know because I would like to know.
Maybe you might give me a better explanation.
I seemed to be cursed because I never get what I want.
I'd been hurt too many times.
Rejected by some.
Played by a few.
And hurt by one.
Everyone seems to hate me one way or another.
But the word that comes to mind is
WHATEVER
That's their problem, not mines.
But of all those hurt times, this beats them all.
I seem to have nothing to live for anymore.
I just wished for a day that this would all end.
Sometimes I wished that I was never born.
Nobody deserves this type of pain.
Not even my worst enemy.
But whatever, there's nothing you can do about it.
That's just life.
There's only one thing to say to this:
"What can't kill you, will make you stronger."
