Wanting is the hardest part

It hurts to be alone,
for some it hurts too much,
yet punishment is needed,
so you ache for his touch.

the pain ready to consume you,
crunching over with the screams,
burning in the pit of your stomach,
erasing what you used to be.

you're running to the sink,
trying to let it out,
but the pain is never released,
none of this you ever shout.

it still hurts so badly,
starting at the slightest thing,
yet you continue on with your life,
never let it sing.

you know you have no right to pain,
there's nothing that's gone wrong,
you don't live in a starving country,
trying to be strong.

so why does it come to you?
that question has no answer,
maybe it's a sign you've done bad,
that you are not sure.

it starts scaring you at night,
when you look up to the moon,
longing for something to end,
dying can never come too soon.

yet you're scared to try yourself,
and too weak to stand up again,
because the last time you stood,
they left you nothing but your pen.

so you stare out to the distance,
wishing on a star,
and you realize it can never be,
flying is too hard.

because the longing is what destroys you,
hold the fragments of your heart,
it's wishing for what you don't have,
wanting is the hardest part.