I don't know what to say i liked it its different but to me its missing something im not sure what so ya other then that is good!

Well its good. I also believe that something is missing in this piece. May be you could introduce something new and fresh in each stock of stanzas. I guess you can do some editing or add some more lines. If you modify it plse let me know. I will be glad to rate :)

tc
Fsams