Comments : It's Mr. Mime Time

  • 17 years ago

    by Ed or Ian Henderson

    Excellent, as ever. Just one line I don't like:

    "I've changed my life for you; I've altered my ways," just doesn't flow as easily as the rest. To me it stands out as being rushed.

    How about:

    "I've altered my life for you; changed in every way,"

    You're not changing the wording much, but it suits the flow of each stanza much better I feel.

    Still, tis your poem Miss!