Wow...I liked teh story and the wording here..They were so advanced...And the flow didn't dissapoint me too..
My fave lines should be;

He speaks no words as he grabs my hand and lifts me out of bed,
and past our family, that thinks I am dead.
The room fills up with nurses and doctors galore,
but as the volts enter my body, I know I am no more

Keep it up,
Laura

I dont mean to be mean.. but if you are to correct my spelling maybe you should spell your words right when you do so.. like some of the words you were typing came out like mine when you type too fast.. and you mixed up the letters. but i thank you for helping my writing become better.

Wow that was just powerful. The long sentences kinda threw off the flow to me in certain areas but the emotions your expressed and the story you told were meaningful. Well done *5/5*

Your poem is simply superb. You have a great ability in rhyming poems. I also can rhyme well. I would like to suggest you to structure your poems well :)

5/5 all the way
Tc
Fsams

Hey this is a great poem itz really powerful and full of emotion i love it :)

Wow beautiful poem! Great work on this one! It flowed very well and was full of emtion...great job! keep it up!!!! 5/5

Beautiful.. made me silent there.. that was a good way of writing about death.. instead of it making me want to breakdown and cry it made reassured me that everything's going to be alright and that i should just hold my head up high.. wonderful writing.. keep it up

~angel~

I thought this was beautifully written, filled with so much sadness but so much love at the same time.

I thought the contrast made for a very powerful effect on the overall piece.

Flow was good throughout the entire piece and the imagery was beautifully created.

Wow..
amazing work
please check out my work when u can:)
takecare
-Lisa

AWESOME WRITE I HONESTLY, AT THE END WHEN I WAS FINISH I WAS BLOWN AWAY, YOUR AMAZINGLY TALENTED AND KEEP WRITING...=]..5/5

Wow, this was beautiful and sweet. It was really emotional. The flow was a little awkward though. I think it was because of the long lines. The rhymes seemed a little forced, but I think the love you showed for your family clearly showed through, and that was the point. Greay job!

Keep writing!
Cayce

Another greatly written peace, i have to say i am simply speachless on what to say, - raindrops 5/5

That is so sad yet so sweet and magical at the same time...I loved it..it was easy to read and the floow wasn't that bad...5/5