I know its so stupid,
but the best part of that night with you, was when you were sleeping.
i was so cold.
you had all the blankets, and you were so asleep.
i didn't want to wake you up. so i just got closer to you.
i put my arm around you, and i just laid there shaking.
not a word spoken. all i could hear was your heartbeat.
you woke up though.
and you hugged me so tight, so secure.
you made me so warm.
and then you kissed me on the head,
and told me you loved me.
that was the best part of the night.
it wasn't what happened after,
or before.
or the fact that we had been out there all night,
with my parents home.
and not gotten caught.
you had me head over heels for you.
why'd you have to go and ruin it?
i told you i didn't want to do anything more.
and you said you wouldn't.
i had total trust in you.
then before i knew it,
you had taken what was mine.
something i didn't want taken,
not by you. at least not then.
i went into school the next day, trying to be okay.
and i couldn't.
i started bawling.
and everyone was asking questions.
asking me what happened.
and i didn't tell anyone.
yet somehow, everyone found out.
god i hate you now.
so much, its unbelievable.
still, i want to talk to you every day.
and for some reason, i miss you.
its so hard going day after day,
pretending I'm fine.
and pretending that my life is great.
and when i see you,
not falling to the ground is harder than you could ever imagine.
and when i see your friends,
pretending that there is nothing wrong
so they don't go and tell you
"dude shes a wreck"
or
"man, shes still crying"
i don't want you to know I'm hurt.
though i know you do.
i don't want you to see
that Ive unwillingly given you the power
to ruin me.
i heard your moving though.
next year.
you told me you might,
and after everything happened,
you said most definitely.
because "now i wasn't yours, and there was no reason to stay here in this gay town"
well, good luck i guess.
stay out of trouble.
and don't ever do what you did to me,
to any other girl.
because they wont love you like i do, or did.
and they will go to the police
and tell them you raped them.
i loved you,
but you lost it.
don't make another girl fall for you,
and screw it up.
