Trapped

The rain beats down on my window washing away what's left of me. The thunder crashes and reminds me or everything in my past. Why is it so hard to let got ? It's causing me so much pain, it hurts just to breath. At night I lay in my bed wondering why, and end up crying no matter how hard I try to force back the lump in my throat. I feel so trapped in my own soul, I can't let it out, as if locked in a cage that is made with the strongest substance of this earth. Trapped this word it's just a word but much more. I'm so tired of crying so why do I ? I envy people that can be so positive in such times of despair. Why is it so hard for me just to be a little happy ? A question comes to mind... Why is it so easy to slip into something hurtful and painful, and so hard to get back to happiness? I've been hurt for too long and I'm tired of it, but everytime I start feeling happy, the sadness comes back. I listen to the rain and thunder roll as it lulls me to sleep. Visions of the past and the future collide causing me so much confusion and pain. Not even going into a fantasy land can I escape. The past follows me like a shadow with each step to the future I take. The past is always going to be there, but it already happend, I can't change it. "Let it go" it sounds so simple but yet so hard to fulfill. The rain falls on my skin, searing it making me not feel a thing so numb and cold. I used to be alive but now I just survive