The Struggle Inside

Why are you doing this to yourself?
You're so pretty; you just don't want to believe it.
You try to see that you're beautiful like everyone says,
Especially the one who truly means it; the love of your life.
But you can't.
Destroying your body day after day out of habit.
You want to stop but at the same time you can't.
If you start eating normally again, you'll gain the weight back.
You try anyway but you can't stop,
All that food in your stomach is starting to hurt.
You're in so much pain you're on the verge of crying.
Tormented by your lack of any self restraint, you make your way to the bathroom and purge yourself free of guilt, only to be agonized by another just as bad.
You knew this would happen.
You have no discipline what-so-ever and just end up back where you started.
This is how your life is meant to be.
You started this and now you're not strong enough to stop it so it's your own fault.
Deal with it.
This agonizing struggle in your head wanting so much to be normal again and happy.
Finally happy.
You've been suffering from depression for as long as you can remember but no one pays close enough attention to know.
You can't talk to anyone about it, you think it's embarrassing.
Your mom will just tell you it's a phase and that you're just a teenager, you'll grow out of it.
That's her solution to everything is to grow out of it.
If she paid enough attention she might realize that you're not happy and that you're not OK.
But it won't happen.
This is the struggle inside and it's your own problem to deal with now.
You just keep hoping that the screaming voice for help is loud enough that maybe someone might hear.