Ok, well i thought it was pretty good, and there was alot of detail, and you rhymed in some places and not others, and that was kinda intersting. And i like the concept...

"And, you're a prisoner, prisoner of her own heart..
You're falling, falling so selfishly apart."

favorite stanza^^^

i just thought it was the best part, so
i think this deserves a

4/5, srry

This was simply amazing!
It really kept my attention!( which is getting kinda hard to do these days)
definatly a 5/5