Tears from the past

As I sit up late at night I begin to wonder what I could of done
different so I could of still be by your side and tell u that I love you.
We both had so much that we went through and we both had our ups and downs, but when we were together I never imagine being without u.
My sister use to bring up shit like she is messing with u she is with a guy,but I didnt care if u had a man in ur life I just wanted to be there when noone was able to.
There was so much that was left unsaid cause of the situation I was in and I knew u deserved better and I wanted to tell u,but everytime I held u close I felt ur warmth and I didnt want to let go.
I wanted to feel ur lips with mine, but I was so afraid that I might hurt u and still I did as u walked away I cried I wanted to grab u and kissed u then,but u were too quick for my hand to reach.
As I walked in the room u was in u lay by my sister and then I called ur name then there wasnt a answer so I lay there crying silently so u couldnt hear me shed my tears.
That night I dreamed of u and I seen u crying and sitting all alone then there was someone that came up before I could and held u in their arms then I woked up then u was looking at me and asked me to lay down with u.
I didnt put my arm around u cause I knew it was too late then u took my arm and put it around u, but I didnt make a movement cause I knew it wasnt right.
You got up and then I did too I brushed my teeth then went into the kitchen I wanted to say something then when I was about to so much went through my mind I couldnt even speak.
I wrote u a letter, but it wasnt good enough I wanted to tell u so much that morning.but I decided not to.
I told u that I was going for a walk and I did then when it was time to go see my sister ex gf Amanda and take her to the hospital I looked and u was on her lap.
I tried to block it out, but I couldnt then u was trying to cheer me up by throwing a gum wraper at me ,but I threw it at someone that was like a brother to me then he threw it to Amanda.
Then when we got in the car u said is that a hickey on ur neck then I was like no then when my sister got in the car she tried to take a picture of me and I told her no then I gaved in.
But it didnt turn out right then as we drove that night u got in my lap I tried to get my feelings back I tried to hold u, but then u got off then that whole night when u left I thought of u.
Then after awhile it was like 2 in the morning and my sister and mother was talking about u and I went to sneak in to see what they were saying and then I heard u made out with Donny then I torn up a picture and a poem that I made for u then my sister turned around and I ran to my room and there was the pieces of paper on the floor that i forgot to pick up.
I cried all night until the next day I called u and all I said was hey and I didnt even ask u if it was true when u asked how was my night I wanted to ask u, but then u had to go.
I knew that u had a man in ur life and u was getting married cause I seen the ring on ur finger that night as u walked over to my sister and tried to give it her to hide.
I didnt want to belive it, but I had the prove that I seen .
But yet through all the tears from the past its u that I still love and I will always miss.