Never Ending Pain

I like this poem but again more could be said and there are some punctuation problems, apart from that i like your writing style. it merits 4.9/5, kel.

I really liked the decription, I thought you portrayed the situation quite well.
the concept was great, as it could be metaphoric for many things.
I loved how you ended it with a punch. Just one sentence.
I really enjoy reading your work.
Once again, 5/5

x Paula.

Tired of thinking all the time,
trying always to clear your mind.
But you cant and don't know why.

Your head is now throbbing; sensitive to light.
*Very catchy. Keyword: throbbing.
You close your eyes wishing it would stop.
*Wishing is not a good word. It is too weak and common. Use different word, eg. beg, pray,....
It hurts beyond compare; you feel sick.

You pop a few pills to relieve the pain.
It is not working so try to sleep,
hoping it's gone when you open your eyes.
*This last line is not the best choice. First of all, you have not slept yet. You are TRYING to sleep.

But the splitting pain just gets worse.
You want to turn the lights on but cant,
because you know the pain would intensify.
*Go more in depth. Why would the pain intensify?

Trapping you in the smothering darkness.

Over all, I'd give the poem a 4/5. My reason being that the choice of 'you' was not a good one. It is clear that the 'you' in the poem is the writer.

Tired of thinking all the time,
trying always to clear your mind.
But you cant and don't know why.
^^i can relate to this staying up all night just trying to fall asleep but your thoughts keep you awake

Your head is now throbbing; sensitive to light.
You close your eyes wishing it would stop.
It hurts beyond compare; you feel sick.
^^great portrayal of a situation here the reader can really see what you are saying

You pop a few pills to relieve the pain.
It is not working so try to sleep,
hoping it's gone when you open your eyes.
^^i have done this countless times but it never really works : /

But the splitting pain just gets worse.
You want to turn the lights on but cant,
because you know the pain would intensify.
^^Once again very true sometimes its just better to endure the pain you have now than take the chance at making it worse

Trapping you in the smothering darkness.
^^ very intriguing way to end the poem!

I must say your sadder poems seem to be a lot more intense! good job! 5/5

The thing that sticks out the most is the repeated use of the word YOU. I really like the opening line, and the second one is good as well. The third line is worded pretty well, but when you use CANT and DON'T (notice the apostrophe) in the same sentence, it seems like your not putting total effort in the poem. Either that, or that you just missed it overall; which makes it SEEM like your uneducated; which obviously you are not. Be careful with grammar; it really makes or breaks you. Even the best poem can be ruined with poor grammar.

I like the next lines though, THROBBING is a good strong word. I think that WISHING is a common or weak word, maybe you could use PRAYING / BEGGING or DESPERATE FOR IT TO STOP instead. These words really show power and intensity.

The third stanza starts with that one word again, YOU. It seems to me that you are really writing the poem about yourself, but portray it to another person. I don't think this subject is the best choice for that type of role transfer.

The next part starts with BUT. Try not to start with this word, it really kills the mood for the rest of the line. I like the word SPLITTING as it grabbed my attention.

The last line is great. Kind of like the final thought of the work.

Not a bad poem really, just needs a little extra attention.