Is it worth it...

*Before I start this is an old poem and it has been longer then five months. I wrote this on the 14/9/06 its just been a while for me to write again. Hope you enjoy.*

So many nights I sit gazing at my blade,
Its been so long since we last connected
So long since I felt that rush,
That feeling deep inside of relief.
But those nights became so long,
And I'm faced with should I or not.
It's been five months,
Pain filled yet able to pull through,
Why now do I feel this massive urge?
Why now do I place it to my hand and pull?
If it cuts I succeed yet I fail too.
Blood starts to flow, tears begin to show
What have I done, gone back to my old ways?
Its just a little cut but will cause a lot of pain.
Crimson drops fall upon the sheets,
Blood stained tear drops cascade down my cheeks.
So many hurtful nights listened to by my blade
So long ago it was a way of life,
Now its a way of pain and relief.