I though

by danielle   Jul 8, 2007


I though the other night about your big brow eyes
than i couldn't help but think of the big fat lies
I though of how bad i wanted you back but than i though of all the times you've held me back
I thought the other night id call but the sound of your voice makes me want to bawl

    report violation
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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Liz

    Hey good job
    its alot better now that u fixed it

  • 17 years ago

    by Liz

    I agree with the mr simon about breaking up lines and spelling

    good poem otherwise

    i like this it reminds me of the first any only person i ever went out w/

    and he cheated :(

  • 17 years ago

    by I - O - W - A

    Excellent poem well done!

  • 17 years ago

    by Gness

    I like your rhyme scheme 5/5 ;D

  • 17 years ago

    by The Mr Simon

    Hey Danielle,

    As already mentioned by the people above, spelling is a must ^_^. But what I would like to add is that I highly suggest the use of breaking up the lines in pairs that rhyme. What I mean by this is for example:
    "My neighbor once had a dog,
    Who came over and ate my frog."
    instead of this:
    "My neighbor once had a dog who came over and ate my frog."
    See what I mean? This way it looks more like a poem, and less like a diary entry ^_^.

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