Labyrinth.

by Teria   Jul 9, 2007


Labyrinth.

Her self esteem has reached an outstanding high,
as she falls from the depths of salvations cry.
The world above her is made of brass,
the world below of manured grass.

Vultures fly from the east and the west,
picking up her bloodstained mess.
She's killed the soul of which was hers,
and taken the heart of the demon wars.

Precise measurements lie upon the desk,
her bodies too small compared the rest.
She thinks it's wrong to be so beautiful,
to be so lovely, is just way too cruel.

But, she loves her ways in labyrinth,*
losing the path covered in jacinth.* *
Passion of confusion, oh what a twist.
I believe she's the next one on my list.

- - - - -

*Labyrinth: complex system of paths or tunnels in which it is easy to get lost
^^ I've taken that and used it as the meaning of.. lost/confusion.
**Jacinth: a red transparent variety of zircon used as a gemstone

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  • 17 years ago

    by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex

    The world below of manured grass.
    [[I really just don't like the word "manured". It sounds so =// I don't know. Maybe it's just me.]]

    She thinks it's wrong to be so beautiful,
    [[I don't know why, but I LOVE this line. =)]]

    Passion of confusion, oh what a twist.
    I believe she's the next one on my list.
    [[And again, I don't know why, but I love the ending. It was perfect and though I'm not sure why you switched view point "she" to "I", I like the unnatural twist. Lovely line.]]

    And so forth. I love the whole thing. One of my more favorites out of the ones I've read simply because of the last line and capturing ending. You'd be surprised how much the ending does for you.. =)

    xTheEcstasyofSucidiex 5.5

  • 17 years ago

    by Fsams

    Awesome, very catching poem with creative use of lexis and meaning. Still there is room for improvement like making the 1st line more grammatical.

    suggestion:

    Her self esteem has reached outstanding high,

    However it is 5/5 for sure :)

    TC

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