Last stanza needs work, but a lovely message. it's weird how our lives are so similar. wonderful! keep writing...

Oh bud, thats so sad. So sweet, so sad...so perfect. To have someone in your life who can inspire you to write so wonderfully is a gift from God. To be able to write with so much love and power is something most can't master, but you got it straight on right away. I am very impressed by you smooth writing and the smooth flow. You don't force the beat or the rhymes ever. Keep them coming!

~Mo~

Your best poem, in my opinion, and of your work, my favorite. It rings not simply of loss, but of hope. I hate when people write poems like im-depressed-cant-go-on-must-give-up. If they were TRULY hopeless, they'd be dead already.

That was deep, and powerful, a little sad but overall you did a good job, i think you did very well
love Tara-Kay
xxxxx

Thanks for your poem comment. :) You'd like crime sene waltz if you liked fire children. I wrote them around the same time so you can see th similarity of the quality. I really liked this one. I gave it a five. The rhyming was pretty consistant and it didn't once say the word love which I liked because it made me want to check and make sure it was a love poem. Oh yeah ----->5 Yay five!

Opps I don't mean fire children I mean burning poisonious Oak. Well you'd like fire children too then. They were all made around the same time and all have the same quality I think. Well I think I'll browse around a little more around your poems.

It was so sweet, yet sad, yet i loved it. it was perfect. it had so much depth and emotion, and it was great 5/5

Ending is truly amazing. This isn't classic love poem which is great. This poem isn't pathetic like most of love poems on this site, it is unique and excellently written. 5/5

This is truly a sad piece. Everyone who reads this will probably cry their tears and relate to what you re going through. Emotions were very strong and the words were simple.

I left the light
and returned to the dark
Where I wait solemnly
Until a new start.

I really liked that part, puts everything together.