This pain in my heart
I don't know what it is
But it makes me so weak
Like I cant go on
I feel like crying
But my eyes just wont have it
I feel like pleading for mercy
But there is nothing to plead from
My heart feels like a punching bag
Taking every overwhelming blow
I don't know how I am still standing
When I just want to lie down and never get up
I try to shun myself away
So I don't have to take the crap from any body
I cry all alone
And I still have the strength
To hide all my pain behind smiles
I laugh during every sad song I hear
But cry at all the songs that are joyful
I just want them all to disappear
And leave me be
I hate it when
They tell me to buck up
I feel like hurting them
So they can feel my pain
But my body lies limp
I cant handle this anymore
I do not want to die
But I do want the pain to go away
Suicide wont solve anything
That is just a way for more pain to be made
I want to be alone
For the rest of my life
So that I don't cry
So that I don't wish to die
The things that people say
Can drive me into an early grave
But I take it like I want it
So they keep it coming
I frown with satisfaction
I know that they will get over me soon
But until that day I know
That I will stick through
I don't want to smile
Because I know I am just lying to myself
I want them to know that they hurt me
So that they move on
They will leave me alone
There job has been done
I will be at peace with myself
And I will always know
That I stuck through to the end
That I am not a quitter
Just a survivor
