I close in on myself that way no one else can see who i really am.
but when I'm alone it all comes poring out.
i find myself hiding from the truth.
just so i don't have to face it sometimes.
i miss those moments.
the ones that seemed so damn bad.
but yet were so damn good.
i wish i could have those back.
but i cant.
for some reason i wont let myself have them back.
i don't think i could handle them.
but i still miss them.
I'm trying to live a life without regret.
and the one thing i have most is regret.
i hate regret!
its something i dint want inside of me.
i cant live with it.
so many people see the mask.
and not whats behind it.
there is a person behind it.
and those that have seen it are now gone.
or on their way to being gone.
i guess its something that they couldn't handle.
or i couldn't handle having them see that much of me.
i think it is the second one.
whatever it may be.
thats how it is right now.
i am who i am.
whoever that may be.
i live my life the way i feel as if it should be led.
many dint like it.
but it ain't their life to lead.
they have one of their own to worry bout.
so i do what i do.
and if i regret it.
its no ones fault but my own.
cant you see.
there is pain behind these eyes.
and so much more.
but pain and regret have taken over.
i wake everyday
hoping that its a day that i dint have to live with either.
but no surprise i find both.
today is a day just like any other.
pain and regret.
but its something Ive grown use to.
i cant feel it anymore.
just in those moments where it creeps up on me.
and there is nothing i can do bout it.
but in this moment i see nothing new.
so for now i bid ado.
i leave you with a thought.
is a good life lived full of regret.
for can a good life lived be regretted?
