Down in a dungeon dreary, while Snape pondered, riled and weary
Over a grisly and gruesome volume of forgotten lore.
While he silently sat seething, suddenly there came a squeaking,
As of some rat slyly creeping, creeping near his dungeon door.
"Just some vermin," he muttered, "squeaking by my dungeon door;
Only this, and nothing more."
The fire had burned to cinders; it was in the bleak mid-winter,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
So the more he feared the morrow, to the top was filled with sorrow
He could not ignore the sorrow for the classes he must endure,
For the seventh-year NEWT classes the Potions master must endure
Stuck in this school forevermore.
Professor Snape rose from his desk-chair, crossed the room and sought the door there,
"Wench," he snapped, "or master, here you stand upon my floor.
You are a student, you should be napping. You deserve a whacking!
And yet here you have come prattling, prattling by my classroom door.
Yes, don't think I didn't hear you," here he opened wide the door -
Darkness there, and nothing more.
Suddenly there came a creature, trembling all the way, up to the teacher
And again he started squeaking as he reached the chamber door.
Squeaking, "Sorry to be a nuisance, sir, begging your excusance
For this rude intrusance outside Sir's dungeon door."
Snape said, "It's a house elf, nothing more."
Back into his classroom turning, all his soul within him burning,
And the house elf followed squeaking, somewhat louder than before.
"House elf," said Snape darkly, "forgive my speaking sharply
But your squeaking is too hearty for this old classroom of yore.
Let me have some peace a moment in my old classroom of yore."
This he said, and nothing more.
The elf took off his tea-cosy to reveal cheeks red and rosy
And went to find a seat within the old classroom of yore.
No sooner had he got it, swiftly he perched upon it,
Squeaking, perched upon it just beside the dungeon door
Perched upon a three-legged stool just beside Snape's dungeon door.
Perched, and squeaked, and nothing more.
Professor Snape sat glaring at the house elf sitting staring
With teeth chattering in fear at the countenance Snape wore.
"Dobby's sorry to annoy you," said he, "but Dobby must envoy you
And tell you of this catastrophic ploy - you will not be pleased, for sure.
Dobby's come to warn you and now will tell you more."
A tired Snape said, "Good lord."
"Dobby knows it will not please thee to hear of Fred and George Wheezey
Planning a bout of dungbombs in your dungeon corridor.
For we cannot help agreeing that no creature, beast or being,
Would ever wish for dungbombs outside his classroom door."
At this, Snape leaped across the classroom toward his dungeon door
And Dobby trembled all the more.
Snape looked outside his classroom and suddenly there came a fast broom
Hurtling past his face and continuing down the corridor.
Inside Dobby trembled as Snape noticed the broom resembled
A distraction they'd assembled to have him leave the corridor.
He went back inside to wait, and closed the dungeon door.
This he did, and nothing more.
Dobby sat there quaking, and oh-so-scaredly shaking
As he fumbled with his tea-cosy on the stool beside the door.
He watched the Potions master with skin so alabaster
Ponder the disaster planned outside his dungeon door
Ponder the distraction that flew past his dungeon door
Pondered this, and nothing more.
Suddenly they heard some laughter immediately after
Snape had listed the ingredients from asphodel to hellebore.
Silently, he waited as the twins chuckled and debated
Over what the vastly hated Snape would say, or shout, or roar.
Silently, he waited just behind his classroom door.
This he did, and nothing more.
Away did Dobby scramble as Snape lunged for the door handle
And so swiftly did he open the heavy dungeon door.
The twins, they started whining when they saw his head at ease reclining
And his brain cells all combining for the penalty in store.
They all clamoured to help dream up the detention in store
And he sneered all the more.
Then he beckoned with his finger and told them to come in there
As he had some horned toads in some jars upon the floor.
For detention, he would send them (and, therefore, condemn them
And also apprehend them) to pickle all the toads in the jars upon the floor.
Dejectedly they followed him back through the dungeon door.
Now they hated Snape even more.
